One Shall Live, One Will Die

While I was driving home from meeting my pusher-man (insert gay joke pretty much anywhere) the skies opened up and clearly made driving a concept, rather than what we were actually doing. Needless to say, I found myself with a considerable amount of time on my hands and a light fog on the brain. And I realized something that really should be made abundantly clear to all. We do way too much to protect stupid people.

We have done this both voluntarily and via legislation. I'm sure it is because it appeals to the very noble thing to do.

I created the childproof bottle. I have saved lives.

What could possibly be more noble than saving the life of a small child? We will explore the flaw to that logic momentarily.

Some, who understand the laws of economics feel it is their duty to protect to the very lowest denominator. Saving lives keeps customers.

I am a captain of industry. I know that by printing "DO NOT SWALLOW" on this Drano bottle, I will continue to see a rise in profits, my board of directors will be happy, the other smart people who purchase stock in my company will enjoy windfall after windfall as we continue to save those dumb bastards.

Oh, and stupid people? They fuck more than us smart people. They have the time. We're too busy running shit. Prime example: The internet. We (smart people) created it. What did the sheeple do? Used this grandly designed phantom dimension to show their dicks to other people for the purpose of having sex. I hope you are understanding me clearly now.

Let's explore just a few of the concepts and/or inventions that I have alluded to previously.

#1
The child-proof medicine bottle.

This is an item that, as I mentioned above, seems noble, on its face, but is, in fact, an insidious invasion into the elevated gene pool. The child you would have saved would have been the by-product of two inferior people who were dumb enough to either,
a) leave a medicine bottle in a place a toddler could have access to it, or
b) choose never to express to their child, (who is of reasoning stage), in no uncertain terms, that "This cabinet" is off limits

Oh, and don't even get me started on "babyproofing a house". The generations since these inventions are, I'm convinced, why the population explosion occurred. We don't have the chance to thin out the ranks, anymore. Now this is just a recommendation, but if we switch back to regular, easy-to-open medicine bottles, the smart and well-reared child will survive. The dumb one, well, you get the idea. But I would take it one step further. I would euthanize the entire family of the dead child, (remember, they brought this on themselves...follow me here), up to and including one full branch up on the family tree. That means it would include the siblings of the offending parents and their children. Got it? Good. Moving on.

#2
Air bags and other auto safety accoutrement.

I think it is safe to assume that accidents are usually the result of stupid people getting on the road. In fact, I will make this assertion, right here, right now. In 100 percent of all auto accidents, at least one of every two people involved is stupid.

Some might argue that air bags save smart peoples lives, too. Well, yeah...I see that. A stupid person, probably texting, could create a situation that a smart person would be completely unable to avoid. And 1 for 1 is too high of a sacrifice among the smart. Therefore, I believe, that until an acceptable amount of the stupid die off, Air bags and other auto safety accoutrement should remain mandatory.

#3
The "No Child Left Behind" Act.

It is of no surprise to me that something this completely asinine would be the baby of George W. He, through the protection and influence of a, I'll admit it, family with pretty intelligent stock, was able to eek out of Yale with a 2.0-2.9 g.p.a. Who allows a moron the chance to create and mold education policy for the dumb and smart alike??? His co-creator of this gem, Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MASS). There is no way to fully expound on the kinship between those who drive drunk. I know this. Look at many of my friends and me.

And, I just thought of this, I think George envied him that he was actually able to kill someone and completely get away with it. I mean it. To a stupid person, that has to seem really, really cool. And I think Ted was open to sharing the stories. And what do stupid people do when they hear their buddies stories? Try to one-up them.

"Oh yeah, Camelot'er?

Karl Rove, as part of an interesting plan to make the president more likeable, always gave W. nicknames to call people. It was supposed to be endearing. Sometimes it was. And you can tell when the W. really likes one, because he'll use it a lot. (e.g. Stretch, Rummy, and his personal favorite for Alberto Gonzales, Mexican who don't talk like a Mexican) The meaning ‘Camelot’er’ was lost on the W., though, who only could memorize it by actually seeing a camel and an otter. And I'm not saying in his mind. They made fucking flash cards for him. It's probably the reason they don't fashion legislation together, anymore. But I digress.

"Oh yeah, camel-otter," says the W. "You got away with killin' a lady-friend and hiding it from the authorities? Well, suck it c.o." (The meaning of this was lost on Kennedy) "I got away with killing tens of thousands of people and I did it on a fuckin' television. WOOOOHOO-Who's the man, now?"

But even with all that, I still think that Kennedy is not a stupid person. I think he was acting with the rationale explained wayyyyy up there, earlier. He is a smart person who is trying to be magnanimous to all of human kind. He, being smart, can be reasoned with and we can encourage him to ease up on saving so many fuck-tards.

And that will bring us back to the title of the blog, "One Shall Live, One Will Die" and the two adorable pictures, one with a smiling, well nurtured and adjusted young girl, the other with a fussy, little fucking, "I'll keep you awake on this whole seven hour flight because British Airways didnt give me that upgrade because they're cunts", child of satan that sprang from the womb of a woman who probably should have been spayed at puberty.

See, my theory on child rearing is 'smart people have smart children'. Children who learn quickly to communicate with their educated parent without using unnecessary crying, screaming or shrieking. The fussy child is destined to be a mindless letch that probably will end up, at the age of 40, telling a more than disinterested lady, at an indoor soccer fields upstairs bar, after probably only 2 too many shots that he shared with the lady, about how he knows the rules of hockey and how he was a good goalie and how he heard about a new mini-van that ran on water and he thought it was "AWESOME". Obviously, he has to die.

These are but three of many things we, as smart people, should fix, post haste. The future of humanity depends on swift, cool and calculated action on our part.

Viva la revolucion.