The Last Day of March

I have awoken today, only barely. Seems as though I just can't get the motor running. Meditation and napping have been very good for me today.

I am compiling characteristics of those around me. I know that in future writing I will be able to relate my experiences.

If anyone had forsight in even October of last year to tell me where I would be right now, I would have only been able to feel shame and embarrasment. But in this place, at this time, I am humbled and believe that this is the right place for me.

My writing, though matter-of-fact, will soon yield more of the comedic writing that I usually strive for.

On an uber-personal note, I attended my first and second SAA meetings in the past two days. I can't but think that my depression and the facade that has been created as a result is directly tied to my addiction. So, for the sake of therapy, I believe that SAA will help break down more of the barrier I have placed myself behind. I'll call my father and let him know that I, too, am in a 12-step program.

My posts to this blog, as evidenced thus far, will continue to be semi-infrequent, as I don't have constant access to computers. My usual stream-of-consciousness entries will probably be more of a pre-written entry, taken from my personal journal, as a result.

Books I have read/am reading: The Memory of Running, Confederacy of Dunces, The Sunflower, Mayan Prophecies for 2012, The Shack.

The Memory of Running and The Shack were both books suggested by and given to me by a close friend. I held onto The Memory of Running for the better part of a year (maybe more) but, ironically, it was the perfect time when I read it. The Shack, deals with a paradigm shift in Christian spirituality. I also held on to The Confederacy of Dunces since 2005. My brother sent it to me while I was working in New Orleans, post-Katrina. I take objection to his likening me to the main character, but the book, published posthumously, is a great read and a definite recommendation. The Sunflower, by Simon Wiesenthal, is an exercise in psychology, morality and theology. The question is, according to the subtitle, regarding the limits and possibilities of forgiveness. I am reading the responses to the story, a true telling of an actual event while Wiesenthal was in a Nazi concentration camp, and I will re-visit the story before passing it on. And finally, The Mayan Prophecies for 2012, and more specifically the question of what is to happen when their calendar, devised before Christ, comes to an end, is an interesting book written by a comparative theology professor. I have put that one off in favor of finishing The Sunflower, because 12/12/2012 is over three years away.

I also have An Altar on Earth, which is another interesting book dealing with spirituality and how we can attain peace and serenity and an understanding of God in even the most basic and mundane of our daily tasks. I am looking forward to cracking that open in the next day or two.

At this point, I am playing the waiting game, waiting for my meeting for my shelter-plus appointment. It should come through this week and I should then only be approximately 10 days away from moving into my apartment. Meeting with DARS and TWC should yield work opportunities and also the possibility for Grant approval to finish my degree.

With finally hitting a bottom, I am being forced to start anew. For too many years, I have been seeking to relieve myself of my possessions, though half-heartedly, at best. At this time, I am stripped bare. I am reminded of the saying, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it." But this is exactly where I want to be. I want, with this fresh start, to focus on keeping the simplicity in my life. I need to learn how to find a balance. A balance that allows healthy friendships, a productive work life and a discovery of activities and hobbies that will fulfill me.

This post has been longer than some. I will write more soon.

Until Next Time.